


Booty

by greenteeth



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Flowers, Humor, International Talk Like A Pirate Day, M/M, Pirates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-16
Updated: 2013-05-16
Packaged: 2017-12-12 00:26:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/804989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenteeth/pseuds/greenteeth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve wasn't expecting pirates or any of the other things that happened today.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Booty

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Reverse Bang Art](https://archiveofourown.org/works/788294) by [tripperfunster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tripperfunster/pseuds/tripperfunster). 



> This fic is unbeta’ed for which I apologize.

Steve breathed a satisfied sigh as he stepped out of the elevator. It had been the perfect morning for a jog, bright, not too hot with the smell of late blooming flowers suffusing the air. He  paused on his way to the kitchen when he heard raised voices. There had been a lot of those since he moved into the newly christened Avengers Tower, so he wasn’t immediately concerned.

He stopped long enough to recognize Clint and Tony’s voices coming from the dining room. He rolled his eyes, of course it was Clint and Tony. Tony had once told Steve that his and Clint’s arguments were purely platonic. Steve preferred to describe them as a step below an out-and-out brawl. He poked his head into the room thinking he would say ‘hi’ and maybe defuse the situation and found the two men in their pajamas, armed with a butter knives and a plate of toast sitting innocently on the table next to them. 

“Uhh, guys?” Steve said concerned that they had escalated to actual weapons no matter how blunt. 

They ignored him. “Arrr, no. ‘Tis my toast by rights.” Tony glared drawing the point of his knife in a slow circle.

“Ye sleep, ye weep, ye son of a goat.” Clint taunted.

Tony lunged with his butter knife and Clint dodged back. “Ye scallywag, prepare to taste the bite of my blade.”

“None can defeat the pirate Black Barton.” Clint hollered as he came back at Tony their knives hitting with a muted twang. 

“Tony! Clint!” Steve barked in his command voice.

They both turned to look at him knives still crossing. Tony gave him a grin. “Morning, Cap.”

“What are you two doing?” Steve asked giving Tony a faint smile of his own. It was hard not to when Tony had the kind of horrible yet adorable bed head that came from real sleep not styling.

Tony glanced back at Clint and hastily tossed his knife on the table. “Seeing who gets the last piece of toast.”

Clint nodded seriously. “I was winning.”

“Why were you talking like that, though? You aren’t making fun of Thor again?” Steve frowned. 

Tony held up two fingers. “One, that was making fun of Shakespeare not Thor, and B it’s International Talk Like a Pirate day.”

Steve blinked. “That’s not a real thing.”

“Well, there are some people who think that Shakespeare didn’t write his own stuff.” Steve’s eyes followed Tony’s hand as he wiped butter absently on the leg of his pajama pulling the waist down to reveal a thin strip of skin.

Clint snickered and Steve focused on him. “Why would there be a day to talk like a pirate?”

“Well you see, when a mommy and a daddy pirate love each other very much...” Clint started. 

Steve crossed his arms. Tony, Clint and even Thor had used this phrase when explaining things to Steve. Steve let Clint trail off, waiting long enough for Clint to know Steve was calling his bluff. “Why do you want to sound like a pirate? Pirates aren’t good people.”

“But they’re fun people.” Tony said. “Don’t you ever have the urge to go plunder something? Or” He leered. “Someone?”

“No.” Steve really didn’t think that pirates were ‘fun’ people. Steve knew Tony was a good man, the sort Steve might hypothetically want to plunder if it was mutual plundering. There was no way Tony could think of himself as a pirate. “Do you want people to think you’re pirates?”

Tony and Clint glanced at each other then looked back at Steve to say in unison. “Aye.”

Tony continued “I even have it on my business cards.” Tony presented Steve with a small card which read ‘Tony Stark – Pirate At Large’.

Clint looked at Tony sideways. “Where did you even have that, man? You don’t have any pockets.”

“Arr. I’ll take me secrets to Davy Jones locker and Natasha gets chatty after a couple bottles of Vodka.” Tony smiled.

Tony was … well not nice but kind in his own way and just about the opposite of Steve’s idea of a pirate. Well the beard might be a little swashbuckling. Steve tried again. “Pirates are villains. They robbed, killed, and terrorized people.” Really why would Tony want to be thought of as a pirate? 

“So?” Clint asked.

Steve noticed Bruce at the opposite door looking serenely amused. At Steve’s pleading look he ambled in stopping next to Clint and Tony. “Bruce, does this Pirate day mean anything to you?”

“Aye. Captain. Near twenty years ago a great pirate band decided that in recognition of pirate culture a day should be named where all people would talk like pirates.” Bruce said, nodded at Tony and Clint then retreated from the room, munching on the last piece of toast Steve noticed.

“Really?” Steve rubbed the bridge of his nose. “This is a thing now?”

“Aye.” Tony looked ready to go on but the toast-less table caught his eye and he looked at Clint accusingly. He snatched up his butter knife again. “Scoundrel! Have at you!”

Steve decided he was going for another jog. Maybe by the time he got back Clint and Tony would want to behave like the upstanding men they were. Scratch that, he thought with fond exasperation, maybe they would have forgotten about it by then. 

After a loop of the park Steve decided he didn’t feel like jogging any more but he wasn’t prepared to head back to the tower. Instead he picked a direction to wander. It was something he did every few days trying to get used to this new city that had grown up. 

He was side eying a display of Avengers merchandise that a vendor was enthusiastically hocking to a tourist when a stereophonic “Is it on?” split the air. Steve looked up to realize he had made it all the way to Time Square and that all the multitude of screens were broadcasting a sallow man wearing a black bandana, white ruffled shirt and a single gold hoop earring. All Steve could think was that that kind of stubble really wasn’t meant to be seen on such a large screen. There was a booming whisper of ‘yes’ from the speakers around the square and the man on the screen must have focused on the camera because he now appeared to be staring out over the crowd. 

“Arrr.” He drawled loud and long. After a dramatic pause he continued. “Ahoy, ye land lubbers of this scurvy port.” 

Steve gaped. It was one thing for Clint and Tony to pretend to talk like pirates but was this day really recognized by everyone? If so, Steve need to have a chat with the agent who had put together his ‘The 21st Century and You’ briefing packet because clearly it left out some crucial information. 

Steve glanced at the people around him. Reassuringly it was still a normal New York street, people hurrying from somewhere to somewhere else, nobody paying much attention to the pirate on … Steve glanced around again and frowned. The pirate seemed to be on every screen, TVs, computers, and phones.

“I be th' President 'o th' noble Pirate Advancement Committee and I be here this day to speak to ye 'bout th' deplorable state 'o acceptance 'o th' pirate lifestyle. We band 'o pirates have be forced to th' frin'es 'o society, scorned, looked down upon by ye landlubbers. So we did what all jolly band 'o pirates would do 'n banded together to be a force fer social change.”

Steve blinked as the pirate paused for dramatic effect or possibly to shuffle his note cards. Briefly he wished he had stayed in the tower. He had the sinking feeling that Clint and Tony’s fight over the toast was going to be one of the more reasonable parts of this day. 

The tourists in the square were pointing and taking pictures now. The man next to Steve shouted “Get a job, you lazy bastard.” which really cheered Steve up more than is should but didn’t stop the creeping certainty that these pirates were going to be a problem for SHIELD which ultimately meant they would be a problem for the Avengers.

“After much deliberation we come t' th' conclusion that 'tis a problem o' knowledge. Most scallywags dunno wha' 'tis like t' be a pirate. They 'ave no frame o' reference fer th' noble heritage 'n proud traditions o' th' pirate community. So as our inaugural event we pirates wants t' share wit' ye land lubbers a taste o' our culture. We felt that if ye talked th' talk, ye might better understand why we walk th' walk.”

“Fuck off man, I need to make a call.” Shouted a woman several yards away from Steve who was shaking her phone viciously as if she could shake his picture off the screen. 

“And it will start now! Prepare t’ ‘ave yer horizons broadened, ye slimy squids.” 

Screens all around him flash the skull and crossbones then settled back into their normal display. The people who were watching the screens turned away decidedly unconcerned by strange announcement.  Steve’s communicator trilled and vibrated where he had it clipped to his shirt. “Roger’s here.”

“The Dread Pirate Fury has ordered us back to the ship on pain o’ keelhauling.” Clint told him cheerfully.

What Steve meant to say was “Thanks Clint. I’m on my way.” He was very sure about that. What came out was “Aye. I’ll be thar.” 

Steve’s “Avast!?” overlapped Clint’s hysterical laughter.

“Me think’s the Pirate President’s threat had some teeth to it.” Bruce chimed in. 

“Why by the seven seas would that louse do such a thing?” Steve asked. Of course what he wanted to say was ‘why would someone do such a thing?’ Those were the words in his head but somewhere between his brain and his mouth they morphed and now he was talking like a pirate. He gave himself a full minute to hold his head in his hands trying to block out the cries of “Avast?” And “By the mainsail!” before he set off.

It took Steve far longer than he liked to get to the pick up location for the helicopter that would take him to the Helicarrier. He could ignore cries from the bars about ‘where all the rum had gone?’ And ‘how a sailor could get some grog?’ He couldn’t ignore the fights that were breaking out as people spoke in a dialect without words for please and thank you. The first three fights he was able to stop by intercepting a fists and wagging a very disappointed finger at all involved. 

The fourth caught him by surprise though. He had honestly thought the man was ordering a hot dog from the street cart with his shouting about salty sea dogs until the customer had grabbed the ketchup off the cart and sprayed it all over the vendor. Steve had to backtrack to pull the tongs out of the vendor’s hands before he could spear the other man with the cry of “No one dishonors the name of Long John McGillicuddy.”

Undaunted the customer grabbed the mustard splattering the man, and Steve who was unlucky enough to be between them, with yellow paste. “Yer wares are more cat than dog.”

Steve tried hard to get the right English out but ending up saying “Me fine men, ‘Tis not time to be actin’ like bilge rats.”

The vendor took offense. “My victuals have no rat in ‘em!” And dumped most of an industrial sized jar of pickle relish on Steve’s shirt. 

Steve thought fast as the relish dripped down his chest. “‘Tis food. Ye two need to solve this with a contest of stomachs not of arms.”

Both men stared at him dis-trustingly until finally the vendor snatched up a hot dog and said “I’ll eat me wares and ye’ll eat yer words.”

The customer grabbed another hotdog. “Buccaneer Beniowski never turned down a challenge.”

Steve only stayed long enough to see them take their first bites. If they were eating they weren’t talking and he really need to get to the Helicarrier.

It was a blessedly short flight after Steve had reached the designated pickup location. He had put on a headset so the pilot could speak with him but mostly he ended up confused by the chatter between the pilot and air traffic control. To be fair the pilot seemed about as confused as he was going by the number of “Arr, no.” and “Port, I said port, you lily livered son of a barnacle.”

He had planned to head directly to the bridge but after the third agent had exclaimed that he was flying false colors while pointing to the yellow and green mess of his shirt he decided to make a stop in the Avengers locker room. 

Steve quickly swapped his stained jogging gear for his uniform and felt a hundred times better. His uniform had seen him through every other time the world went crazy around him, it would see him through today.

As he tucked his gloves into his belt he heard boot heels ringing on the floor and looked up to find that Clint was there and had a different idea about the uniform that would see him through his day. Instead of his normal high tech Shield issue suit, which Clint insisted was midnight purple, he was wearing a ruffled white shirt, leather pants and knee high black boots. 

“Ahoy, Matey. ‘Tis a fine time we’re having today?” Clint grinned revealing a gold capped tooth.

Steve debated asking Clint why he had those clothes already stashed in his locker. Later, he decided, when Clint’s answer wouldn’t make his head ache.

But he couldn’t help asking “Ye have a sword?” When he saw it swinging from Clint’s belt.

“SHIELD keeps it’s armory stocked proper.” Clint grinned.

“SHIELD be keepin’ cutlasses on hand?” Steve asked.

Clint’s grin just got wider. “Fortune favors the prepared, matey.”

Steve shook his head because, now he thought about it, he did believe that every weapon known to man was probably stashed somewhere on the helicarrier. Fury was the kind of man who would come prepared with 2nd century siege weaponry and newest, shiniest anti aircraft missiles.

“Com’on.” Clint patted him on the shoulder. “Let’s be seein’ what havoc our men o’ science be wreckin’.”

Bruce and Tony had been given lab space and had filled the holographic boards with graphs and equations and maps that clearly showed that they were doing science, hard. Like every other time Steve had watched them work together it was a jumble of half finished sentences. This time there were a lot more “Arr”s but the tone was the same. Tony was facing away from the door writing out equations longhand in white on a softly glowing board. Steve couldn’t help but admire the play of muscles in his arm as he worked. Tony’s math looked the same. It certainly didn’t seem to include the little cannons or sails or treasure chests that were popping up in Bruce’s glowing scribbles. Then again Bruce had once compared Tony’s math to a blow to the head so maybe it was piratical enough to remain unaffected. 

Steve waited for Tony to finish the line of symbols before asking “How goes it, booty?” 

Tony dropped his pen and turned to gape at him with wide eyes. Steve clapped his hands over his mouth and could feel his cheeks heating with a blush. He had meant to say Tony. But that wasn’t what had come out. He silently cursed the Pirate Advancement Committee to Davy Jones Locker and back. He couldn’t believe he was using such a disrespectful name for Tony. 

Carefully he peeled his hands back from his mouth and tried again. “I mean booty.” Damn. He clapped his hands over his mouth again. Tony was starting to grin and Clint was braying with laughed behind him. Steve focused very hard, forcing his teeth and tongue to make the proper sounds. “TONY, How goes it?”

Tony was smiling like it was Christmas and Steve felt like his face was going to burn off he was blushing so hard. “Great, Hot lips.” Tony said and just stared at him with a dancing eyes until Bruce cleared his throat. Tony shook himself and continued. “Me and Limey, here, think we know what’s happenin’.”

“Marvelous, ‘cause the Dread Pirate Fury does not take kindly to waitin’.” Came Natasha’s voice from the doorway. She gestured for them to follow her. 

Thor was already with Fury when they made it up to the main conference room and greeted them with an enthusiastic “Ho, good friends.”

Fury finished viciously signing something on a clipboard held by a beleaguer junior agent and turned his steely eye on them. His mouth tightened when he took in Clint’s outfit. “I trust that you misfits have something more helpful to tell me than what SHIELD’s so called scientist has come up with.”

Bruce and Tony looked at each other then Bruce took off his glasses and started “For mor’n a seven day now...” Steve listened hard and translated what Bruce was trying to say in his head. Apparently for the last week there had been a dramatic upsurge in the pollen count which was unusual but not impossible for this time of year so no one, except allergy sufferers, had paid much attention. But it turned out that this pollen had a host of mind controlling properties unlike anything Bruce had seen in his extensive research into mind control. 

Tony took over then “So, any good pirate would ask himself, why not then, why now?” Steve deciphered that while the pollen made people receptive to mind control it had no effect until someone started broadcasting certain tones on a certain subliminal frequency. 

“So, your mission, Avengers, is to find those damn pirates and stop their damn signal.” Fury leaned over the table for emphasis. 

Clint leaned back in his chair. “Me question be, why is our Pirate King here unaffected when all the little land lubbing agents are natterin’ like the cast of the Pirates of Penzance. I was lookin’ forward to some furious pirate lingo.”

Fury glared at them all. “I have a flying aircraft carrier. I have what amounts to a letter of marque from the governments of the world against super villains. I have a mother fucking eye patch. I have embraced my inner pirate.”

Natasha raised an eyebrow. “And ye think that will help?” The faint crease between her eyebrows made Steve think that Natasha was prepared to put her inner pirate into a body lock if the situation called for it. 

Tony wrinkled his nose. “Me, I have no want to embrace Fury’s inner pirate. He’d put a dagger in my ribs for sure.”

Steve hissed at Tony “Booty!” and felt the blush come back full force. When he looked away he was unlucky enough to catch Fury’s eye.

Fury said “I don’t want to know. Ever.”

Steve nodded and looked away.

“Are these pirates really a problem of merit for us?” Bruce asked.

“They are mind controlling New York city. While talking like a pirate isn’t a crime no matter how asinine, I do not want to see what these idiots have plan for an encore. I can tell you it will be a lot less entertaining if they start broadcasting murder, rape and pillage.”

“Indeed, my mighty comrades. This might seem like a child’s trick but there is harm in it.” Thor boomed.

Tony leaned over to Steve. “Arr, why does the pollen not affect Thor?”

Bruce overheard and replied. “Asgard has no pirates. He doesn’t ken the culture.”

Steve felt the name twist on his tongue but managed to keep it in it’s proper shape. “Tony. Have you a solid notion where the signal be comin’ from?”

Steve could tell from Tony’s smirk that Tony knew how hard Steve had to try to say his name.  “O’ course, me Jolly Rogers.”

Steve looked around the table. “Alright me fine crew, prepare to fight.”

Steve waited with Natasha, Thor and Bruce by the plane that would take them to the pirates, while Clint and Tony got themselves sorted out.

Clint arrived first carrying his bow and quiver but still in his pirate costume. 

Steve gave Clint an unimpressed look that he had been practicing for situations just like this. He caught Natasha’s eye and nodded toward Clint. A good leader knew when to delegate and he was pretty sure Clint was more scared of Natasha than he ever would be of Steve. She sauntered over and started whispering in Clint’s ear. He caught the words Martinique and island rat before getting distracted by Tony clomping in with his Ironman armor. 

He looked smug and Steve had a moment to think how good a look it was on him before Tony said “Hi, everybody. Guess what I did?”

“Ye put on yer shiny suit.” Clint said not looking away from Natasha.

“Well, yes.” Tony said holding out an arm to admire the play of light on his fingers.

“You found a way to defeat the pirate’s spell?” Thor cheered.

“Gold star. The in-ear comms now generate a signal to counter the pirates’ signal.”

Natasha looked at him with a faint smile. “That is perhaps the nicest thing you have ever done, Stark.”

“And why didn’t you do this before the meeting?” Bruce asked shaking his head. 

“I got distracted.” Tony said with a wink at Steve.

Steve blushed and looked away. “Fine. Everyone ready?” 

In the shuffling for seats on the plane Tony dropped down next to Steve. “So...”

Steve looked at Tony’s thoughtful expression and decided “Later.”

“But...” Tony started.

Steve firmed his resolve. “After the pirates are dealt with.”

Tony huffed and switched to the co-pilot seat giving the SHIELD pilot the coordinates. Which left Steve staring at the back of his head for the hour it took to reach the pirates hideout.

Finally the pilot signaled they were passing over the source of the pirate signal. Steve opened the rear hatch as they made their first pass. It revealed field after field of red flowers below them with a concrete gray building squatting in the center

Steve turned to Tony asking “Are you sure this is the place?”

Tony rolled his eyes at him. “Well, the field of mind control flowers is a good indicator. The huge radio tower is another point in it’s favor. And the fact they are flying the skull and crossbones is a clue.”

Tony was right, this had to be the place or there was another pirate hideout in rural upstate New York and Steve didn’t want to think about that. He signaled the pilot to drop them on top of the bunker. As they got closer Steve could make out the details of deep set windows. “Are those?”

“Cannons.” Tony barked. 

The plane pitched to the side as the pilot steered them out of the path of a cannonball. Steve pointed to Tony and Thor then to the open hatch. Nodding, they both launched themselves out of the plane swooping towards the bunker. Steve grabbed the safety rails and hauled himself next to the pilot. “Get us to a safe drop height then pull back.”

“Aye aye, Captain.”

The plane dropped like a stone. As soon as the pilot gave the go ahead the remaining Avengers jumped from the rear hatch into the field. The plane whirled away and the engine noise was replaced with the reports of cannons, the whine of repulsors and the crack of Thor’s hammer as he batted the balls out of the sky. They set off at a dead run towards the bunker. As they got closer the seconds Steve was counting between the reports increased. 

Once they were safely beside the building Tony landed beside them. “So, whoever taught Thor about whack-a-mole deserves a prize because he is awesome at it.”

They watched from the safety of the concrete wall as Thor made a final loop of the building them proclaimed “You are disarmed scoundrels. Surrender yourselves.”

There was the static hiss crackle of a PA coming on then the distorted voice of the President of the Pirate Advancement Committee yelled “Kzthe n sh ssd kjfse sssh zzkkkk.” Steve and Tony shared a wince at the screech. “Damn and blast.” Said the man at a volume that didn’t overload the PA’s microphone. “I see ye Avengers 'ave come t' face us.” Steve gestured to Natasha and Clint and they split up circling the building in opposite directions. 

“Yes. On behalf of the SHIELD and the United States of America we request you stop making everyone talk like a pirate.” Steve said hoping there was a microphone somewhere to pick him up.

Apparently there was because the Pirate President replied “Nay, we won't stop 'tis a valuable learnin' experience fer them all.” 

Steve rolled his eyes. “People won’t learn anything from this. You can’t force them to understand.” 

“We’ll see about that.” The man huffed.

“We’re prepared to stop you by force.” Steve tried.

“Ne'er! no one can capture our ship.”

“You have a ship?” Steve looked around. They were a good hundred miles inland and there were no other visible structures for miles.

“Indeed.” His pride came clearly through the PA. “This beauty is called th’ Ariadne.”

“It’s a bunker. In a field.” Steve pointed out.  Clint poked his head around the side of the build and gave Steve a thumbs up. Steve nodded to Tony and Bruce to join him. 

“We may be becalmed here but th' soul o' th' ship be strong!”

“Look, either you stop what you’re doing or we will stop you.” Steve said as he counted down seconds in his head.

“Ye reckon yer scallywags are any match fer me pirates? Ye're wrong. Ye will regret th' day ye crossed cutlasses wit' me, Jolly Rogers!”

Steve decided he need to  start rolling with the punches today. “That’s Captain Jolly Rogers to you. Prepare to be boarded.” 3. 2. 1. There was a muffled boom. “And I was stalling long enough for my team to blow open the door.”

Steve ran around the corner to find that his team had blown way the door and a good chunk of the adjacent walls.

Steve stepped over the rubble knowing the Avengers were fanning out behind him. The room was long and dim with bare concrete walls. Judging by it’s length it ran the entire side of the building. There was a click and two spotlights shown on the Pirate President posing at the far end of the room. “Ha, ha. Ye fools 'ave stumbled into me trap. Did ye really reckon a pirate's lair would be so poorly defended?”

Steve threw his shield at the wall so it ricocheted towards the man who lurched sideways to avoid it. Steve caught his shield while the pirate staggered upright and shook his fist at them. “Face me wrath ye lily livered dogs.” He yelled then disappeared through a door to his left. 

Steve looked at the others. Tony shrugged. Clint cocked his head. Then there was the sound of wings, hundreds and hundreds of wings. Looking up Steve saw a mass of red and green descending on them. 

The mass twisted and pulse and finally got close enough to see that it was made up of thousands of birds. 

“Parrots!?”

Steve jerked his shield up to block the birds coming at him. They veered off but came back pecking and nipping at his armor with their beaks and claws. 

Waving his shield he could keep enough of the birds off him to see the others. Thor was already covered. “Ho, my feathered friends.” A mass of birds dive bombed Bruce’s chest and another three started pecking at his head and he was looking greener by the second. Natasha was trying with some success to hit the birds with her widow’s bites but the sheer number was giving her trouble. Clint had his bow drawn but the birds were attacking his hands and perching on the arrow as he tried to nock it. 

Tony looked relax, as much as Steve could tell through the armor, in a swarm of birds as they batted him with their wings and failed to take off any pieces with their beaks. “Actually, I think most of these are Parakeets.” 

“Can the parrot watch?” Said a scratchy voice.

Natasha whipped around momentarily clearing a circle around her. “Who said that?”

“How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?” Asked a bird as it tried to land on Steve’s shield. 

“Why would you even teach a parrot to say that?” Clint asked shaking his bow to dislodge the birds.

“Arrr...” Hulk bellowed. He grabbed at a scarlet macaw spinning in a circle as he chased it. 

Several birds started repeating “I must be huntin' treasure, 'cause I'm diggin' yer chest!”

“These are the worst pickup lines I’ve ever heard.” Natasha said putting herself back to back with Clint who agreed. “Yah. They’re worse than Stark’s.”

Tony managed to sound offended. “Hey, you have no idea how bad my pickup lines can get.”

“Strike yer panties and prepare to be boarded, lassie!”

“Rubbers are for land lubbers” Said a parrot from the top of Thor’s head. 

“Blameless birds. They say such foul things but they do not comprehend their meaning.” Thor said looking calm for a man that was at the moment a very small stage for a very large parrot riot.  

“The biting and the clawing is pretty clear. Polly want a smack.” Tony flailed a hand at a bird that had somehow got a claw caught in the eye hole of his mask and narrowly avoided smacking Hulk in the thigh.

Steve assessed the situation. The birds were distracting, very distracting, but couldn’t do much damage. “Avengers, follow me. We’re going after the pirates.” Steve said starting across the room. Natasha and Clint grabbed Hulks arms to steer him. Tony took the lead with Steve behind him and Thor at the rear. As a group they plowed through the birds to the other end of the room.

Steve winced as a bird that settled on his shoulder screeched “I’m 97 percent chum free.”

“Wanna shiver me timbers?” Called another to his right.

“Walk my plank.”

“Pirates do it harrrrrder.” Seemed to come from Tony’s direction in a synthetic and familiar voice.

“There’s the door.”

“Hulk smash?” Hulk asked swatting at the birds around his head like flies.

“Yes, please.” Steve said getting out of range of Hulk’s fists.

There was a boom then there was a hulk shaped hole where the door had been. The room beyond was much more like what Steve expected of a pirate lair, wooden tables littered with bottles, long lush tapestries on the walls and a group of pirates pointing swords at them. Steve admitted they all looked very fierce except for the two that had received faces full of on coming parrot. “Me crew, show them wha' stuff we pirates are made o'.” Bellowed the Pirate President.

The pirates roared a discordant “Arr” and surged forward as one.

By Steve’s count there were over a hundred of them. One hundred to six wasn’t great odds but as Tony was found of saying, they had a hulk. 

Steve met the pirates rushing toward him. He pushed directly up to the first one too close for the sword to do any good and drove his elbow up catching the man under the chin. He used his momentum to pivot and kick low taking out the man’s legs. He dropped like a rock. Steve kept moving, straightening his arm so his fist went right onto the jaw of the next pirate coming at him, who also dropped like a rock. 

“Bah. You are not fit to call yourselves warriors.” Thor called over the fray. He had a circle of fallen pirates around him already. 

“Thor’s right. This is like fighting civilians.” Clint yelled back. “Do you even know what to do with that sword?”

“Ironman, take Hulk and find the mind control device.” Steve ordered knowing that while Tony had non-lethal weapons in his suit the pirates weren’t in the same league as most of the people Tony fought.

Steve took out five more pirates before he heard Clint yelp. “Damn it, Hulk, I’m your friend.” 

“Herkie?” Hulk screwed up his face in confusion. Tony patted Hulk’s arm hastily. “Come on, Limey. We need to do some smashing.”

Natasha did a spinning kick that hit one of the pirates in his temple. “I told you dressing like a pirate would lead to misery. Hulk can’t tell you from the enemy.”

Steve tossed his shield so it took out the legs of a table sending the pirate standing on it tumbling to the ground. “Try not to hit Clint.”

“Ow. Try harder.”

“Sorry, my friend.”

Steve paused to let a pirate run headlong into his shield and saw Natasha do an amazing flip that took out two pirates and landed her next to Clint. She grabbed the collar of his shirt and ripped it off him. “Problem Solved.”

The throng was definitely thinning out. Steve judged that more than half the pirates were down and half of the rest were more concerned with fending off irate parrots than attacking the Avengers. There was another hole in the wall so Tony and Hulk must have made it out of the room to look for whatever was broadcasting talk-like-a-pirate waves.

One foolish man was advancing on Natasha. “Ah, a wench. Don’t worry lassie. I’ll be gentle.”

Natasha did something Steve couldn’t quite follow but it involved kicking the man in his knee, elbowing him in the kidney and tasing him for good measure. “I’ve crushed the skulls of seventeen men with my thighs.”

A purposeful movement in the corner of his eye made Steve turn his head. The Pirate President swung his cutlass in a wild arc scraping across Steve’s shield. 

“So it come t' this. As a pirate I be loathe t' fight fair but fer ye I'll make an exception.” 

Steve rolled his eyes. Behind him he could hear Thor, Clint and Natasha taking out the few remaining pirates. Steve advanced on the man who stepped back to get enough room to swing his sword. Steve blocked with his shield and closed the space between them again. The pirate looked wildly around and before Steve could grab him he hopped onto a table and jumped high enough to vault the railing of the staircase behind him. Steve did jumped after him tucking his body behind his shield to protect from the pirate’s slashing. Using the shield to redirect the sword Steve pushed the pirate further up the stairs. The pirate stumbled and half fell backwards. Steve tried to grab his foot but the pirate twisted his body up and over on his hands so he was standing at the top of the stairs.

“Ye think ye can defeat me?”

Steve glanced quickly at the floor below them. It was littered with unconscious pirates. “We have defeated you.”

The pirate waved his sword. “Yer crew has fled.” 

“My team has been disabling your mind control device.” Steve pointed out. 

Steve watched the pirate’s eyes flicking back and forth, could practically hear him analyzing his options. Steve angled himself so the pirate would have to come at him if he wanted to go through the door or back down the stairs. “Surrender.”

“A pirate ne’er surrenders.” The man grinned and did a flip over the stair rail catching one of the tapestries mid leap and swinging away.

Steve have a good understanding of trajectory and velocity and so was already wincing when the pirate hit the wall with a thump then slid the last few feet to the floor. 

And then it was all over but the shouting. Once Steve gave the all clear SHIELD agents swarmed the building restraining and hauling away the battered pirates and the birds.

The temporary landing zone for the SHIELD planes was set up beyond the last field of flowers which meant that they had to walk the two miles before they could get a lift. Tony was arguing with Maria and Steve lingered while the others went on ahead. They made a strange picture with a de-hulked Bruce wrapped in a ruined tapestry leaning on Thor as he sneezed up a storm, Clint flexing at the agents making their way to the pirate lair and Natasha with green feathers in her hair looking meaningfully at any of them who started to offer to find Clint a shirt. 

“No. I didn’t ‘willfully destroy equipment vital to SHIELD’s understanding of events’. It was a fight, things get blown up and yes sometimes those things are evil pirate’s mind control rays of doom.” Tony shouted from inside the bunker. Maria’s reply was inaudible to even Steve’s hearing. “You have to expect these things. I mean if we hadn’t gone with the Avengers the next name on the list was people-who-cause-massive-amounts-of-property-damage. Not as catchy, I know, but it sums up the Hulk and Thor nicely.” Another indecipherable but annoyed response from Maria. “Goodbye, Agent Hill.” Tony sing-songed.

Tony stomped out of the bunker frowning but seemed to brighten when he saw Steve. “If it isn’t Captain Jolly Rogers. Are the others still around?”

“They’ve gone to catch a ride back to New York.” Steve said nodded in the direction of the makeshift airfield. 

Tony fell into step beside him. “Right, we should go. You know, make sure Fury doesn’t forget that Clint and Natasha are his kids and Bruce and Thor are mine and try to keep the wrong ones.” 

It wasn’t lost on Steve that Tony had decided to walk rather than flying himself over in seconds nor had he offered to fly Steve there with him. Steve wondered if he was trying to get Steve alone for an awkward conversation.

“So, it’s later.” 

“Yes, it is.” Steve blushed, any conversation about Steve calling Tony booty was going to be awkward. Steve wasn’t sure if he was suppose to start apologizing for objectifying Tony so he glanced over to read his mood but Tony was looking at the fields of flowers. Poppies, Steve had noticed but it had be extraneous information before, they were standing in a sea of poppies. Tony pulled away after a moment and wandered into the flowers. The brilliant red, orange and yellow flowers glowed in the light of the sinking sun and set off the darker red and brighter gold of the Ironman suit perfectly. 

Steve was watching, staring he admitted, as Tony tilted his head back in pleasure and of course that was the moment that Tony opened his eyes and look right at him. Steve felt himself blush again but didn’t look away. 

Tony looked away, down at the plants next to him. Steve’s stomach dropped a little as Tony was distracted by the poppies. Steve wasn’t sure if he had lost Tony’s attention or Tony didn’t want to look him in the eye. Steve watched as Tony broke first one then another flower from their stems with fierce concentration. It wasn’t until Tony came towards him with the flowers clutched in a gauntleted hand that Steve got an idea about where this was going. 

Steve held his breath as Tony stopped in front of him and held out the flowers. “Steve...” Tony got out then stopped. He opened his mouth and shut it still holding the flowers out to Steve, pirate mind control flowers Steve’s rational brain pointed out. 

When Tony’s hand started to sag Steve realized that he needed to do something. “Will you go out with me?” He blurted out. Wincing at his awkwardness, he tried again rubbing his sweating palms on his pants. “Would, would you like to go out with me? On a date?” He bit his lip to stop anymore awkwardness from coming out of his mouth because Tony was going to see what an idiot he was. 

Tony blew out his breath tickling Steve face then it was all stubble and soft lips as Tony pulled him in for a kiss. A very nice kiss. Steve had just scraped together enough brain cells to try to figure out where he should put his hands when Tony pulled away with a little nod. 

“Um just so I understand, that was a yes?” Steve asked because he really did need that to be clear, that Tony had actually agreed to go on a date with him even after today.

Tony kissed him again, long and sweet. Steve tried to chase his mouth when he started to pull away not wanting to lose the feel of lips against his but Tony got a hand between them and a finger on Steve’s lips. “That was a tonight 7 o’clock, wear something nice.”

The rest of the occasions that year were ones Steve had grown up with. The team stayed in to watch scary movies on Halloween and tried dissuade Thor from his costume party idea. Thanksgiving was nice even if Steve’s memory of it got fuzzy after they had started on the third turkey and the fourth pan of mashed potatoes. Christmas had been all twinkling lights and crisp cold air outside and cuddling on the couch with Tony inside. On valentines day Tony had given Steve a red shirt with white writing ‘Just a pirate searching for booty’ because he like to see Steve blush. 

So here it was March 14th and Steve was in Tony’s workshop with plates, forks and an apple pie fresh out of the oven. He set them on the work bench and waited for Tony to acknowledge him. Tony flicked a few holographic pieces to the side of his workspace then turned to Steve with a smile “Hey babe.”

“Hi.” Steve said with his own smile for Tony. 

Tony looked a the pie. “No.”

“What?” Steve asked confused.

Tony jabbed a finger at the pie. “No.”

Steve looked at the pie. It hadn’t sprouted tentacles or started glowing green. “You like apple pie.”

“Yes, I like pie but” here Tony brandished his finger at Steve “there is no reason for pie.”

“Yes there is.” Tony frowned at him. Steve checked the pie again but it still seemed perfectly edible. “You don’t want pie?” 

“The pie is fine. I just want to make it clear that I did not miss our six month anniversary. That is next week. I have it marked on the calendar. I also have a plan. I have gift for you. You” Tony pointed a finger at Steve again. “Do not get to accuse me of missing important relationship milestone because that is next week.”

Steve slid around the table so he was next to Tony and gave him a quick kiss. “Tony. It's Pi day.”

“Oh.” Tony pursed his lips taking this in. “Gimme.” He said then pulled Steve in for a much longer kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> International talk like a pirate day and Pi day both exist. You can learn more that there respective wikipedia pages, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk_like_a_pirate  
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pi_day


End file.
